Because you need to know more about me part 5

This set of questions came from Nailgirl at cameronscorner . I figured she deserved to be able to ask me questions after the list I gave her. Hopefully I didn't scare anyone off with her questions. I haven't gotten any one else ask for me to question them.... I was impressed by her honesty and hope I didn't ask to much!

1. Why do you want to move to Alaska? How did you pick this state? Will you have to get a job once you get there or will be ble to be a sahm?

I don't know exactly where we first decided we wanted to move to Alaska. We originaly started talking about it a long time ago actually. Kelly was sent there several times by his work to different sites and he really liked it up there. I have always wanted to go to Alaska but don't know exactly why?
Kelly has wanted to move to anywhere actually for several years but knew I didn't want to because of my family being so close by. It finally came down to me deciding I was done with where we live now. I'm not sure I can place exactly what specifically made me decide I didn't care to be here anymore. Probably a whole lot of factors. One thing is the way the economy is here Kelly can't make as much as he could almost anywhere else. The houses are out of this world for what people make and the schools? Well to be honest they just suck! Case in point would be Izzak. I kept telling myself when we would have to move that it had to get better working with the schools but it never has...it just gets worse. I know Alaska has some really good homeschooling programs including one that is a charter school type thing but all homeschooling. This particullar one we would be able to do everything at home but he would also have access to extra help with his IEP (Individualized Education Plan).
I don't know I guess we are justing looking for something new. We feel like we are stuck in a rut here and won't ever get out of where we if we stay here.
I do know that I will miss my family and close friends terribly but I have to choose what we think may be the best for our family. My health before I was working was much better. Since working my depression got really bad, I have terrible anxiety attacks unless taking beta blockers to help. My health is a mess...my kids are a mess. I just can't help but think if I can get back to focusing on my family that we might get better or at least I can spend more time trying to figure things out. I guess that answers the last part of the question. I plan to not work. I want to go back to being a SAHM. I was much happier then even though we were broke most of the time.

2. Did you and the Mr decide before hand to have four kids?

Well, when we discussed having kids Kelly wanted to 2 I wanted 4. We agreed to having 3. About 3 months before we found out Madison was coming Kelly started talking about wanting to maybe have another but wanted to wait till Kenzie was 3 to start trying. Well I have never been able to take birth control, it just really messes me up. Apparently my body decided that was an okay and we found out 3 months later we were having another and she would be here just after Kenzie turned 2. I had a hard pregnancy with her though. Also after having Joshua I can only have c-sections and with Joshua I had a classical incision. The doctors were worried about me having a 3rd pregnancy and c-section so I was watched pretty carefully. Between the doctors worries that my body couldn't handle another c-section and Kelly not wanting to have more then 4 we decided I would get my tubes tied. So no more babies for me. Although if I could get pregnant again I would love to have another baby. No more then that but I do still feel like there was one more out there for us. Does that sound strange??

3. Do you ever feel like you missed out on seeing the world, or spreading your wings so to speak. Since you married and had kids at such a young age?

I was married at 18 just after graduating and before ever moving out of my parents house. I don't really know what I missed. Both Kelly and I have had periods in our marriage where we have gone through wondering what we missed out on. Around our 5th-7th years of our marriage we were having alot of problems, no one ever did anything we just argued alot but we were about 23-25 at the time and most of our friends were still running around having fun and going to parties but we had 4 kids so we couldn't really do that. Sometime into the 7th year we kind of grew up and our marriage got stronger then it was even before our problems.
We both sometimes wonder what we would have been like had we waited to get married until he came home from school but to be honest it was a good experience for us when we first got married so young to be away from our parents. We always say it kept us from running home to mommy and daddy everytime we were upset with each other and it made us have to learn how to live and love each other.
I wouldn't change anything though. I love my husband and my kids to much to think about us having done anything different. If we did would are kids be the same people they are? I like who they are. We don't have any issues of former boyfriends/girlfriends and comparing each other because we were each others first real boyfriend/girlfriend. This may be a little TMI but we were each others first in every way. I like to be able to say that!

4. what is your favorite childhood memory?

Honestly I don't have any memories of anything before I was 8. Only memories are from pictures and what my family tells me. The only thing I remember was when my sister got pregnant at 16. It was really bad and there was a lot of problems with her. My dad was away on a deployment with the military, my brother was hell on wheels and only 8 himself. Then to end the year a friend of mine who was a little older and was basically my support through all this died suddenly. I had a dream when she died about it the same night and it totally freaked me out. My mom came in to tell me and I said I know.... So much was going on I basically blocked it out and lost a lot of other memories along with it. I also kind of fell into this depression thing for a couple of years but hid it from my parents I was one of those kids who didn't tell my parents things like that because I didn't want them to be upset....
The only other thing I can think of was that when I was 9 we moved to this house that had a huge tree in the back yard. I spent many days in that tree. I felt free from everyone and everything and could just sit back and breath.....

5. Other then the Mr who is your biggest supporter? I never hear you refer to a best friend.

I have 2 really close friends. I don't always talk about them because they are mine and I don't share...haha. No really I don't share and friends? I have always been the type who like to have friends to myself.
My first one though I have known the longest it will be 17 years that I have known her next month. Her name is Hannah she is also Becci's SIL now. She has two beautiful babies now that I love to spoil. I spoil her to though. She is a couple of years younger then me but I have always felt more like she was a sister. I call her kids my neice and nephew. And my kids consider her to be their Aunt. She has always been one of those people I can shar my thoughts with and she knows more about me then anyone other then Kelly (although there are things she knows that he doesn't). She stuck by me through my teen years and to be honest she put up with alot. I consider her family to be part of my family as well. Honestly if there was ever anything I could do for her I would bend over backwards to do it. I love her like a sister and she will probably be the person I miss the most when I move. Both her and Becci keep telling me I need to fly them up to visit and I would probably do that!



The other one would be my friend Cori. I don't know what I would have done without her when we lived in Arizona after Kelly and I got married. He worked and went to school full time during the weekdays he would be gone from 6 am to 9 pm. She was the first person I told that I was pregnant with Izzak and she took me to every drs appt and wic appointment I had. I spent all my time when Kelly was gone with her and she was actually the one who drove me and Izzak home from the hospital after he was born. She lives in Washington now and I still talk to her several times a week. She and Hannah are the first ones I call when I am frustrated. I tell her I wouldn't have made it in Arizona without her. We became friends within a couple of days of our arriving and like I said I owe her a lot for getting me through those times. She was in the same place as we her husband was in school and working full time also and she had a 1 year old when we moved there and was pregnant soon after we arrived.

Both of these people are like sisters to me.

On another note only 1 1/2 weeks till Kelly leaves for Alaska. He is getting so nervous about it, I can tell! He has been great though. He's trying to take care of things and make sure I have things. In the last week he bought me a new computer that he had built up for me for my needs. Part of this was he wanted to take a computer up for himself so he is taking the older one. He also wants to be able to take pictures and so he bought me a brand new digital camera..its so tiny its about the size of a deck of cards and is 7.2 mega pixel so it takes great pictures. Also he fixed my Durango that has been undrivable since my accident in February it needed new brakes, a new sensor and tires and he took care of fixing all this for me this week! I feel bad but I know that he is trying to make sure things are as easy on me as possible before he leaves. Please pray/keep him in your thoughts though. Like I said he is getting really nervous about the trip and getting a job and place to live when he gets there.

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