Ok I can breath now

Okay I'm sure you are all wondering....
I am fine the tests turned out fine so as the title says I can breath now.....

I was worried, really worried....
Honestly I didn't need anything else to be wrong with me. I have enough as it is.

My main issue is that I have a particularly bad problem with Iron deficiency anemia in my case I don't process Iron like I should from foods or iron supplements. I can take or eat all the iron I want and it does nothing for me. It got particularly bad about 2 years ago where my iron levels dropped to really low levels of iron in my system and no iron stores (or no detectable Ferritin level for those of you who are medical types). I went through tons of tests to try to figure it out and as of yet they can't find anything so for now they've decided I don't process it. I get IV iron every 4 weeks now for the last 2 years through a port implanted in my chest. Also I don't process vitamin B12 properly either so I have to get a shot of that every 4 weeks as well.

Other then that I have GERD or a particularly bad case of acid reflux disease. I take protonix for that for the last 6 years because I can't go off of it or it gets really bad... trust me, not good. Along with that I have IBS which I have to say is no fun either. I could go on and on about both of those problems, especially the GERD but I will spare you that.

Can you see why I have issues with anxiety on top of that??

Hmm there are some other issues but those are my main ones so I can leave of there its just gets a little frustrating. I feel like everytime I go to the dr there is something else wrong with me.

I could probably handle my own issues if it wasn't for the kids problems as well. Both Kenzie and Izzak have inherited the GERD issues and Izzak has issues with anxiety. Kenzie has several other issues. Izzak has his learning issues and health problems to boot. Joshua got off pretty good after a very hard start in life only has his eyes and ADHD now. Madison had eye problems but had eye surgery and those are okay now. She does have a problem with her bladder and she doesn't even know most of the time when she has to go and with an irritable bladder and bladder spasms she has no time to get their if she does realize she has to.

So do you see why I don't need anything else?

Okay, sorry about that stuff it came off as a little depressing I really didn't mean to do that but i have been thinking alot this week and everything is on my mind. We are moving at the end of the summer this year and when we get there I have to find new doctors to handle all of this stuff and that is the only thing really that really scares me about moving. I will really need to find someone to help with that when we get there. Also I absolutly love my family doctor and keep telling Kelly that I may just have to figure out how to fly back here anytime I need to see my primary doctor for anything because I just can't imagine finding someone who even compares to him.

Anyway, I didn't really post about Izzaks Birthday last Saturday. It went well and we went to Chuck E Cheese which I thought Izzak would be a little old for but he wanted to go and had a lot of fun. Madison was scarred to death of Chuck E Cheese though, poor girl, she flew under the table at one point when he was walking around! I will make sure he posts about his party and his week at Outdoor School when he gets back on Friday.

Speaking of that. I miss him alot this week! really I do even though it is a little quieter around here because he and Joshua aren't fighting that kid is great company. I was worried about him having problems up there but we haven't gotten any phone calls so he must be enjoying himself and doing fine. Its not the first time he has gone away to camp either but the other times were with our church and I was much more comfortable with them and the kids he was with.

At Izzaks party they had a machine that took your picture then a made a drawing of that picture so I will leave you with that and some pictures of Izzak at his party.

Now isn't that a lovely picture??

He was almost giddy in this picture because he got his Heelys from my parents which he has been trying to get for awhile now!

Happy Birthday Izzak *Updated*

*I changed things around a little on the montage. I just thought I would let you know. It's only a little different, I just added a few words.*

I couldn't really think of anything to say for his birthday. Every year really brings back memories for me.....So I made this instead. I hope its not to long and I used mostly different pictures then the previous posts.....

Photo and video editing at onetruemedia.com

He is a great kid and this song really says what I think of him. He really is amazing!

Thank you all for going through this journey of memories with me these past 13 days! I have so appreciated the comments I have received from all of you. I really do try to be a great momma but I have my faults, as we all do.

I need to find a way to save these posts for Izzak so he can go through them someday also.

Izzak at 10 and the hospital

When Izzak turned 10 it was still shortly after we learned of the extent of his problems. We started out in June of that year by having him tested a second time by a neurodevelopmental specialist to get a second opinion and more advice from someone other then the schools that by this time we had absolutely no faith in. The dr was great and gave us a lot of ideas to help Izzak and to try to get the teachers to understand. She even said the the special ed teachers at the school don't fully understand auditory processing disorders or sensory integration disorders since there are so many varieties. She told us that we would have to be very proactive for him to work on getting things done for him and making sure the schools follow guidlines for him. Which is something we have to do. This was something had to go out on our own for. Legally we could have made the school pay for it but we wanted to get it done and not fight the schools for something else.

Other then that most of the year Izzak had a pretty decent year he picked out this pumpkin on his own it was huge but he thought it was perfect even if it was a little crooked...

December was a very hard month for him, but I will get to that in a minute. For Christmas he got his firt BMX racing bike which he was so excited about it you can't tell.....

The worst part of this year was also in December of this year. Izzak at the beginning of the month came down with horrible stomach pains. Debilitating enough that he couldn't even stand up straight. We took him in to the ER several times because he was in so much pain trying to figure out what could be wrong. After about the 3rd visit when we took him to Dornbecker our local childrens hospital they decided to admit him for tests and pain control. We were there for 4 days but they didn't really find anything he had some swollen lymph nodes in his abdomin but they did find any reason for it. It was very stressful. He missed the entire month of December for school and first couple weeks of January.

They did find that his reflux was really bad and got him on stronger reflux meds. They ended up coming to the conclusion then that it was anxiety. He had been having a hard time in school. With other students and a new teacher who wasn't as helpful as the one the year before. We found that is Izzaks case that his anxiety manifests itself as severe stomach pain. Some people have other reactions but for him its intense pain. Before getting him back in school we needed to schedule a meeting to discuss how to make the classroom more barable for him. In the end we moved to a different district hoping to find a school that was more willng to help also the house we were living in the living situation with the landlords got really bad and having stress in the house can't help.

To answer portraitofpeters question from the comments in my last post. He doesn't take a beta blocker. He doesn't handle it well and has inherited my issues of low blood pressure to begin with. They tried it in the hospital at a low dose and he nearly passed out. He has issues with lightheadedness sometimes as it is. We don't really want to put him on any medications for it. Partially because he (another trait he got from me) frequently has odd reactions to medications. He already takes a pretty high dose on Zantac (prescription strength), Zyrtec for bad allergies, and albuterol when needed. Some meds, like pain meds, he has a very high tolerance for and can take high doses with no effect, thats another thing I do. Other meds he has a low tolerance for and they just knock him out. For the moment we try to manage his anxiety by lifestyle changes and the school is supposed to allow for frequent breaks, a stress ball and the ability to leave the classroom and go straight to the counselor if he is feeling like things are to much for him.

I have a very strict rule with the school about contacting me whenever he goes to the office especially complaining of stomach pain. They didn't let him call me once and I basically flipped out at the school about it. The last thing we need is for him to be in the hospital for pain management because he is having a major anxiety attack again! I keep a very close eye on his behavior and have been able to get pretty good at picking out when he is starting to show signs and I give him the ability to stay home to relax when he needs it.

This is one reason why I am wanting to pull him out of school next year and home school. School is the biggest stress for him and this year his personality has really changed in middle school. The changing classes is really hard on him. The kids are starting to notice more his problems and some have started making fun of him for it. I want him to stay the same social kid that gives everyone a chance and I don't think he will stay that way in school they way it is right now. Maybe if I can take him out for awhile and boost his confidence back up he'll be able to handle his anxiety better but the way I see it now I don't see things getting better being in school.

Izzak turned 9 and a diagnosis

Izzak turned 9 and obviously continued his love of water can you tell? He is very intent on spraying his brother with a water cannon in this picture.

He did his very first oil change on his dads international scout....

Yes he did it by himself.....

More pictures of Izzak on the beach...I did say I like beach pictures, right. He does the same thing I do he just loves to look out at the waves.....

More skateboarding, I'm not sure why he was chewing on the chin strap though....he was always doing that, weird kid.

In the fourth grade he finally had a teacher that could really see something was wrong. She helped us insist on a full evaluation of him. We loved that teacher by the way she was the most helpful we had ever had with him and really took an interest. She was already changing her lessons to help him and trying to make school less stressful. He did so much better this year!

So they finally did a FULL set of testing on him and when it finally came back with everything I left the meeting in tears. Partially because I was glad we finally knew everything that was wrong. Sad because I didn't realize it was so bad......

He was diagnosed with one we pretty much knew even though we were told he didn't and that was Dyslexia , he is also Dysgraphic, has a Working memory disorder which is really hard to explain.....on the link it is more toward the bottom, but thats not all he also has an Auditory processing disorder, many of these also go along with having a sensory integration disorder. A very long list you might notice coming from the same school that said he was fine! A little frustrated was I?? Uh yeah, just a bit. He also has issues with anxiety disorder.They said that at the end of fourth grade he was working around the level of a first or early second grader. All I could think of was, so much time lost and the anxiety was probably brought on by his struggling for so long and the schools not believing it was as bad as it was. Finally they knew something was wrong and would do something about it....or so I hoped. When he was finally diagnosed it was toward the end of the year and that teacher did a lot to help him but it is something we still have to fight for to get teachers to understand and deal with. I walked away feeling so guilty and trying to figure out how and why I didn't just keep pushing harder, but honestly at the time I didn't know how and I didn't know our or his rights. I do now and I'll tell you I do push for him! In one sense I really was relieved it answered so many questions like why he took so long to learn to talk and seemed at times like his hearing was bad. I started reading alot about it and gathering as much information as I could to help myself and my family help him. To another degree I was sad because with all of these issues life is going to be hard for him he is going to have to fight that much harder for everything he wants and I have to and will fight for him to have everything he wants, it just makes me sad to think it might be so hard for him. Also I was angry, at myself, the schools and so many more for feeling like we failed him for so long......

The hubby was great about all the information and like me felt "well now we have something to go with" we started learning more to know how to help him and understand him better because obviously it explained alot about his behaviors that seemed difficult for us. He needs alot more guidance then a lot of kids on how to do things even just cleaning his room, it has to be broken down and sometimes he just forgets he was told to do something and its not because he is being naughty, but he actually forgot! The rest of the family has been another story. His aunt Gloria has been great she listened to us and has a better understanding on how to deal with him (she also has some similar issues). My parents are okay. They don't always get it really. I feel like I have to remind them alot that he is not ignoring them or not listening and they try to understand. Kelly's well thats a different story and I touched on that a little last night. His dad is in total denial. He was even when he had the speech delay. Now he just insists that he doesn't have these problems and we are just labeling him. Well sometimes they need the label to get the help! He doesn't try to work with Izzak or understand why he acts the way he does and that is hard because Izzak loves family and wants to please everyone and sometimes it just can't be done.

Okay so there is his 9 year post. I hope it wasn't depressing or anything but its Izzak and he's my son and I love him. There are two poems that have been around for awhile I have posted them before and I will link to them again as they really do explain what its like first one is this one and that is followed by this one. Izzaks problems to outsiders somethimes talking to him don't seem like much but unless God has other plans for him they will be around for his whole life and most likely he will always need our help to some capacity and that is just really hard to handle. But like I've said I love my son along with his problems and his dad and I will stand beside him whenever he needs us to. And fight for him we needs us to but we also want to teach him to fight for himself and become the independant man he wants to be whatever that is he wants to be.

Izzaks 8th year

Age 8 was a good year for the boy as you go through the picture you will see how much he loves water. We really couldn't get him out of it that summer.

I babysat my friends kids during the summer and took her kids to swim lessons. I wasn't a member of the club though but they didn't care if my kids played in the kiddie pool.

We went on another camping trip with a lot of our friends and the cousins and Izzak practically lived in the river while we were there.
Izzak got more involved in our church group called the Royal Rangers and made his first pine car for the pine car derby. He won second place this year!

Isn't he a cool kid in his shades when we are once again at the beach?
While I was going through pictures for Izzak I found this one of Madison the same year. She had been diagnoses as cross eyed and had a lazy eye to boot so she wore bifocals and patched.

Isn't she cute? She looks all smart......

So we still fought the school this year he was now in the 3rd grade and all the same problems but fought me on testing since the original screen when he was in 1st they didn't do a good test and said they didn't think it was that bad.

So I am not as full of words today. I am in kind of a crappy mood after my FIL came over today. Not sure why he came. He is one of those people who will argue no matter what and thinks he knows everything. He decided to argue with me about Izzaks learning disabilities. He tried to insist the drs (yes drs) are wrong and he doesn't have a memory problem. Well geez he must know it all right? He also thinks he knows how Izzak needs to be tought. Gee why didn't I just have all the specialist talk to him in the first place??? I don't know why I don't just walk away he is one of those people who just likes to argue and only makes themselves look stupid..

Anyway after a comment I made on my Fun Monday post people are asking for our wedding story. I will get to it but probably next week. I need to pull some things out for it and I will tell all..

Izzak at 7

When Izzak was he started taking hockey lessons and he was actually very good. He picked up the hockey skates with no problem. Unfortunatly he only did it for about a year because they closed the rink.

Izzak went hunting with his dad for the first time. I love this picture of them they look so happy together.
I have lots of these kinds of pictures of Izzzak running in the waves at the beach I just love the way they look with the ocean behind him! He has always been my water baby and loves the ocean like his momma. The other kids aren't as excited about it at least not like he is.
Along with the Hockey skating he got roller blades for his 7th birthday and loved that even more then the skate board.
Izzak also started 2nd grade this year. We moved schools this year as we had moved to a new house. I hoped that the new school would be helpful with trying to figure out Izzaks problems they kept assuring me he was behind but okay, I wasn't convinced though when I heard from his teacher that when it was reading or writing time he frequently climbed under his desk and cried. He hated it that much. By this year he really hated school but I didn't know what I could do. I tried to push but apparently not hard enough. Izzak had been a very social kid when younger and seemed to be loosing some of that especially with his peers it was the beginning of some very frustrating years....which by the way haven't stopped yet.

And then he was 6!

Six was a fairly quiet year for us no new babies at least. We moved and Izzak started at a new school. First you can enjoy his bday pics for that year....

Izzak got into skateboarding when he was six he was actually pretty good for a little guy.
During a break from one of our drives back then... yes we went on long drives back then but had not yet discovered our obsession with Starbucks .
We went on a great camping trip with all the kids. By the way did you know just how dirty a 7month old can get while camping?? Anyway Izzak was really into his bike as well and rode it everywhere in the woods. When we camp we don't go to camp sites we actually go out in the middle of nowhere we enjoy it because we don't really have to worry about disturbing other campers and the kids can be noisy!
This picture was also taken about a month before his birthday but the closest family picture we had when he was 6.

Izzaks Kindergarten Spring pictures notice the similarity to Madisons current teeth pictures,yes she still is missing 4 teeth and one is loose.
Izzak also started first grade this year and we really started to notice that there were issues with his learning. He ended Kindergarten unable to read or write at all. I asked about this concerned but was told that some kids just don't pick it up so quick. A few months into his 1st grade year he was making no progress at all and I requested the school to test him for learning disabilities. They only did a screening (so not as detailed) and said he was a little behind and but that even though he seemed dyslexic that he was to young to diagnosis, which I actually now know if not true. They put him in the title 1 class which is like remedial english but no specific help. He ended Kindergarten liking school but not to far into the 1st grade he was not liking it at all. He just didn't understand things and the teachers didn't beleive he was paying any attention. At this point we didn't know why but we knew there was more to it then that but didn't know how to push the issue and assumed that the school would take care of him. Big mistake............

5 year old Izzak

Okay it is getting late I need to do todays post....

Here is Izzaks fifth birthday party. We thought it would be fun to do it at Chuck E Cheese. Yeah it was kinda. Izzak was deathly afraid of Chucky. I shouldn't have been surprised, he creeps me out to....

He is the little guy standing next to the girl in the jumper near Chucky with the hat on everyone was singing the birthday song and Izzak would not take his eyes off of him for fear he might get him.

Opening his presents with icing on his face, so cute. The little girl in overalls standing next to him is my friend Kara's little girl they are only 4 months apart.

The party is also where we decided to announce that Madison was on her way. We knew it was a good idea to be in a crowd since we knew some people would have negative feelings about it. My parents were happy, Kelly's not so much they thought it was terrible and why would we want another baby. They were very vocal about it which is strange since they have 4 kids also.

This was the kids spring picture taken actually about a week before his 5th bday but I think it counts as a five year old picture (after all he was 2 weeks late). Aren't they adorable though.....

Not sure exactly about Izzaks crossed arms and Joshua playing with his shoes though. This was also at the Picture People which I love!

I am a good mom this time and remembered to tell people that Izzak became a big brother for the 3rd time this year to His baby Madison.

Okay I thought he was protective and adored Kenzie when she was born. It paled in comparison to his devotion to Madison! Can you tell a bit by the way he is looking at her for the first time?

He is holding both of her hands in the picture. Since he was 5 this time he knew what was going on while I was pregnant and even had imput in her name. When she was born he was so excited and loving. He insisted on helping to change diapers and holding her all the time. I had a hard time tearing her away from him sometimes and I would find him sleeping near her crib sometimes at night. By the time she was 6 months he could get her out of her crib before she cried and sometimes even changed her diaper! He was actually really good. No poopy diapers though...I wouldn't let him do that. I really found the caring side of this boy with Madison and everyone else saw it as well. God forbid she cry! She never had much of a chance since if she started crying in bed he got him out if she wanted to eat and I didn't pick her up right away he brought her to me. Look at that proud look on his face....

She wasn't actually crying in this picture she just looks like it.

This year he became very helpful around the house not just with helping with Madison but he wanted to do things like help vacuum. Notice Madison in her car seat close by?

Also a big event for Izzak this year. He started Kindergarten....

He had been doing well enough with his speech and the school convinced me he didn't need anymore extra services and they would just keep an eye on him. Unfortunatly I listened to their advice (I will get into that in later posts) and am still paying for it now. He loved Kindergarten though and his teacher loved him also. He did struggle but they told me it was normal for him to have some struggles because his Preschool was more focused on his therapies then the normal preschool would be.

He continued to be a very sweet boy and he was known as the neighborhood greeting committee all on his own. He was very friendly and not afraid to speak to people even with his speech being a little behind people loved him and everyone on the block knew who he was. It was hard not to especially since he was so polite.

Four year old Izzak

A picture from Izzaks fourth birthday party. Yes he was into baseball this year and frogs like on his shirt.

I always like this picture of Izzak he got right up close to me when I was taking his pictureIzzaks 5th Christmas. I tried to take the kids to Sears to have their pictures taken but they just weren't interested and the photographer was not a nice person and acted as if they were being horrible because they didn't want to sit in the boring poses she wanted them in. I left the store frustrated thinking I wasn't going to be able to get their Christmas pictures this year until I found The Picture People and it was great! Just look at this picture!

Joshua is trying to tell us to put Kenzie in the the train (I don't think she would fit?) What do you think? lol he is a funny kid..
This year brought another baby to the Dunn family. Kelly's brother and his wife had their second baby (the first was 9 days before Kenzie the year before). As you can tell Izzak loved babies. He still does.
Izzak was still in the Early Intervention program for his speech and other issues this is a picture of him in his class.
Izzak also loved climbing trees, just like him mom did when she was little this is another favorite picture of mine.

Notice the red boots in the picture above? Those were his favorite for several weeks. He would not take them off and felt they were the perfect thing to wear with anything.

His speech got so much better this year. It was the biggest improvement we had seen in him ever.

How could I forget?.... I am a bad mother

So while you are all telling how great a memory I have I forgot something very important when Izzak turned 3! How could I forget???

Izzak became a big brother again! To his first baby sister.

McKenzie was born............

Please pay no attention to me in the picture and remember I had a c-section 3 days earlier.

McKenzie coming along was very exciting for Izzak he paid more attention this time and new something was coming. I'm not sure what he thought was in there though. When most people asked him if I was having a brother or a sister his comment? "I habben batman!" Yep he thought she was going to be batman, or wanted her to something like that.

Even though she wasn't batman he was thrilled with his new baby sister

Can you tell? He was very protective of her also and got very upset when she cried. If I wasn' t in the same room and she cried he would find me and with a very distraught look on his face say "My baby cwy, fixth her".